Tuesday, July 17, 2012

precious time i'll never get back

Sunday night I was watching TV and while flipping channels I landed on Animal Planet. What originally caught my attention escapes me but I do remember what kept my attention..the documentary (and I use this term loosely) “Mermaid: The Body Found” that was coming on in 10 minutes.


Intriguing, I thought. I had nothing else better to do at the moment so why not.

The brief summary goes something like this- The Navy does sonar testing that beaches whales. During one of these mass whale beachings something else washes up that these boys discover. The Navy confiscates it but this group of marine biologists have these recordings of whales with another “unknown sea creature”. They also discover remains of another one of these “unknown sea creatures” in a shark which they determine to be a mermaid. But then all of their research is confiscated by the Navy and they’re left with nothing to prove that mermaids exist. The history of how mermaids came about is also sprinkled throughout the interviews and “dramatic re-enactments”.

The first thing that gave me an inkling that this may not be real was how the entire team of marine biologists and archaeologists could double as Abercrombie models. I’m sorry, have you ever seen actual marine biologists and archaeologists? I’m not saying they’re all unattractive but to have 10 of them on one research team is impossible. Absolutely impossible.

You’re probably asking why didn’t the ENTIRE subject matter tip me off? Well, I love me a good government cover up story and some people may say I’m a wee bit gullible. But me believing in this particular conspiracy theory didn’t last nearly as long as it normally would have, if that’s at all redeeming.

I continued watching because I was 45 minutes into it and what’s another 15 minutes if it means finding out the conclusion to this documentary turned movie, right? Wrong. I realized at about 10:07 that this was no hour long mock-umentary, it was 2 hours. I tried changing the channel, I really did. But not too much else was going on in TV land after 10 on a Sunday night.

It all went horribly wrong at the end..when they decided to reveal the “long lost footage” that these made up boys found of this supposed mermaid. The CGI of this mermaid looked like a really bad version of those blue things from Avatar and anyway, they said the footage was shot on a phone in the 90’s. Did camera phones even have video capability in the 90’s? I don’t think so and if they did, it definitely wasn’t accessible enough for a 10 year old to have it. Unless they were some super rich, technologically advanced 10 years but that’s highly unlikely.

All that’s left to say is kudos to you, Animal Planet for conning me into a movie that would normally belong on the Sci-Fi channel (don’t get me started on how I hate those) disguised as a documentary. I’d really appreciate it next time if you’d put your little disclaimer that this basically isn’t real before the show starts, not after the credits have rolled. Oh, and I’d really appreciate it if you could give me those 2 hours of my life back. Thanks.

No comments:

Post a Comment